On letting go of control
Finding joy in the unfolding of our lives
“Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.”
I went to Central Park yesterday for the first time since being back in New York. I missed the simple but incredibly moving act of sitting on a park bench and taking a pause to notice all the beautiful things that surround me: children playing, couples laughing, and a variety of individuals who come to the park to find solace in the midst of their own complex lives. How powerful it is to cultivate moments of appreciation for where you are despite the confusion and chaos that can easily consume us.
There is a strange and unfamiliar sensibility being back in the same city where I went to college, and yet in an entirely new part of my life. I am beginning to embrace and lean into the emergence of this duality: of the old and the new, of certainty and uncertainty, of control and freedom. The vastness of my future is opening up to me like a flower, each petal blooming to slowly reveal all that may come. As I embark on this next chapter of my life, I can’t help but feel a rush of excitement for how my journey will unfold. Being out of school for the first time in my whole life is simultaneously frightening and freeing. Having less control and structure in your life is scary, especially after becoming used to it for 18 or so years. I’m like a bird being released from a lifelong cage. Do I know where I am heading yet? Not quite. But the world is at my fingertips, and my career is now in my hands. I feel the infinite potential circulating in the air as I leave behind the past and move forward to someplace new, someplace I haven’t yet experienced. I breathe in and hope rushes through my veins. Hope for expansion, hope for discovery, and hope for a new sense of purpose.
Something I find myself guilty of (I’m sure many of you can relate) is quickly jumping ahead to the “what if’s,” imagining hypothetical situations and hoping for certain outcomes, before even realizing what is happening right before me. It is so easy to fall into a state of lack, where you always need and want more to be satisfied. The danger of this is that it prevents us from ever feeling gratitude for the now, it tricks our mind into believing that we can’t find joy until ‘x’ happens. It’s like walking or driving for hours and never stopping because you believe there will be something better further along the road. What if we learn to pause every once in a while to look around and realize that there are many beautiful things around us if we just look close and long enough?
Part of the work I have been doing on my healing journey, is learning to accept and embrace my life right now; not what was before, what will be next, or what could be. This is one of the most difficult aspects to practice because our society pushes us to achieve and improve at an accelerated rate, one that is beyond a reasonable and healthy capacity. We are not machines. We are living, breathing humans with individual needs and capabilities. If we are relentlessly pursuing the next big achievement, we will miss out on every small opportunity to embrace the things that are actually really great. We are in a constant battle between trying to keep up with the unnatural speed of society and allowing ourselves to move at our own pace, one that feels right and healthy for us. It’s about finding a balance between pushing yourself forward while also knowing that your timing and your journey is unique to you, and there is no “right” place or “right” time that things should be happening.
When we let go of control, we cultivate a vast field of freedom that breeds a fertile ground for possibilities to emerge.
Control is the thief of freedom, and yet many of us are fixed on trying to control everything in our life (speaking from experience.) I’ve realized over the years that no matter how hard we try, things will always turn out differently than we imagined, and sometimes that is the biggest blessing in disguise. Sometimes what we dreamed for and thought we truly wanted in life was actually not right for us. Sometimes, the things you least want to do and the places you least want to be are exactly the things and places you need most. Sometimes the universe takes the lead and the wind guides us in a completely different direction. At this point in my life, I am actively letting go of expectations and preconceived ideas that I had for where I thought I would be now. I am learning to be lighter so I can be freely moved by the currents, so I can go with the flow, not against it. I am learning to be okay with where I am, and to find joy in wherever that is.
We can find beauty and hope in uncertainty. We can find joy and peace in the midst of unpredictability. We can let go and enjoy the miracle that is the unfolding of our life. We can trust that we will find our way, and that joy will greet us if we allow it to.
